Due Date

Today was my due date. In reality Ryan would have been born last week via a scheduled c-section but this date will forever be burned on my brain. It's been a day on the calendar that I've been wanting to avoid for months.

How can you not think about the future you were supposed to have on a day like this? What you thought it would be like to have 2 children here with you.

I tried my best to keep busy. AJ had a fever since last night so he wasn't his normal happy self. It's hard with him not being 100% and me not being able to fully care for him.

I decided a while ago that I wanted to go to the cemetery and have a balloon release for Ryan on this day. My dad and step-mom and grandparent's are here helping us out so they joined us.

It was a beautiful, clear day. We got there and wrote messages on our balloons and then let them go. It was amazing how far they got and we could still see them floating to the heavens.

I hope Ryan got our messages...

After we released our balloons the family took AJ so Nick and I could have some time alone. We spent a little while there with Ryan. Then we took a ride to the tattoo shop where we're going to get our tattoos done. I'd like to get mine as soon as I'm cleared from the doctor...but we'll see.

Here are some pictures from today.

Getting ready for our balloon release

Nick helping AJ draw his picture for Ryan on his balloon

AJ concentrating on his artwork

There they go!

I love you my sweet boy. I miss you today and always.