Friday, April 20, 2012


Just a few minutes ago I received an email. The subject line is one that I've seen many times these last few months. Every time I see it my heart beats a little faster. We had received a donation for Ryan's Racers. This time it was a big one! This donation put us at $5,000.

That $5,000 is made up of $5 donations from strangers to $500 donations from large companies and everything in between...we even had some people donate twice and three times! Everyone has been so generous. And it's not over. We still have donations that have been pledged that haven't been received yet. 

I was asked once what my ideal job would be. I said I wanted to be a volunteer. I wanted to be financially sound enough that I could find a cause that I'm passionate about and pour my energy into it. Why not work to make a difference in something? Something that you think needs the attention.

I wish with all my being that I didn't come to March of Dimes the way I did. I'd give anything to have Ryan back. I'd give anything for any of these parents to have their kids back. I can't do that so I'm doing what I think is the next best thing. I hope with all of the hard work that everyone has been putting in and all of the dollars raised that someday there won't be parents out there like me. Every baby should be born healthy and have a chance to live a full life. Ryan didn't get to do that here but I hope he's doing it in Heaven. I'm doing my best to make a difference in his name.

To date in Ryan's name we have raised $9,248 for the March of Dimes. It's eleven months tomorrow.

Ryan -- thank you for helping me find my place. I'm so proud to be your mom.

I love you sweet boy. Forever and a day.

Sunday, April 8, 2012


Lots of exciting things going on lately...

Nick's sister and her husband welcomed a baby boy on Friday. Baby Benjamin is adorable and we're all so happy he's here. We can't wait to meet him!

Ryan's Racers is at almost $4K! We've got some donations that aren't currently in the total so I'm not sure what the exact amount is but we're close, if not over!

I cooked dinner for Easter this year. My sister and her family came over. We had a really nice day. this was one of the highlights.

My adorable niece Brynn

Brynn and her hot-mess of an Aunt and soon-to-be-Godmother!

Was this not the cutest way to ask us to be Godparents? She was wearing this under her dress. It was quite the surprise!

AJ enjoyed hunting for Easter eggs this morning. He found them all and had fun opening them up to see what was inside. He them asked to eat every bag of mini m&m's he got. Before 9am and he ate one of the bags and a whole sleeve of Pez from his Woody Pez dispenser.

Showing off his work

After out egg hunt we went to the cemetery to bring Ryan his Easter basket. I don't know why but I had such a hard time figuring out what to put in his basket. What do you buy for a son who's not here with you to enjoy it? We finally found a really cute stuffed duck and a bulldozer truck. We put it in the basket that my Grandma made a few years ago. After she passed we decided that it would be passed around to the grandkids each year. AJ had it, Cole used it and now it was Ryan's turn.

Grandma Ann's basket in the back. The snow globe G&P sent on the right.

It was a nice day all around. Now focus is all on the March for Babies Walk and Ryan's birthday celebration.

I love you sweet boy. Forever and a day.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Mixed Emotions

The roller coaster continues. Now it's not so much of the ups and downs in one day but rather the span of a few days. In the beginning it was minute to minute.

There have been so many great things going on lately. Ryan's Racers currently has $3,147. Seeing that total increase makes me so happy. I can't even begin to explain it.

 AJ has been just so funny lately -- and he knows it. He loves to sing and he does it often. He sings songs he knows (happy birthday, the Olivia theme song and even something in Spanish!) but he also likes to make up his own. One of my favorite things is waking up to his chatter on the monitor. I wish I could see what he was doing while he's putting on his little show. He's so stinkin' smart. The things he retains amazes me and Nick all the time.  

The bunny has been hanging out in the yard lately. I can't tell you how many times a day I go and look out the window to see if he's there. Ryan's tree has bloomed too. Everytime I go into our room I have to go to the window and look at it. I'm so glad that Nick had that done.

AJ called Ryan his brother today. I'm so glad he knows about Ryan and that we talk about him but God, how I wish he could have gotten to meet him. I wish he would have had the chance to fuss over him like he does with other babies. I know he would have been a great little helper and he's a great big brother.

We're getting closer to Ryan's birthday. Some days I'm ok and others it just kills me. I think that's why I've thrown myself into fundraising for the walk. I need some kind of distraction. I'm actually a little nervous for when it's over. Then what am I going to do?

We went to see Ryan the other day and there was not one but two new babies there. It literally takes my breath away when I see a new baby there. Six new ones in less than 11 months. That's too many. Even one is too many. I said I can't explain how happy it makes me to see that March for Babies total's knowing that with every dollar raised that hopefully another baby won't have to be there.

The good has outweighed the tough stuff and I'm thankful for that.

I love you sweet boy. Forever and a day.