Monday, August 29, 2011

This sucks

Plain and simple. I don't know how else to put it. The last few days have sucked big time. I feel like I'm back at the beginning. I can't make it through a day without crying (usually sobbing). I'm exhausted. I'm in pain the last few days too.

As we get closer and closer to September it gets harder and harder. The surgery is looming over my head, my due date at the end of the month and new babies to be born right around the same time. Some days it's too much to handle and I fall to pieces.

I should be going in for surgery but it should be to deliver my beautiful little guy not having some mass removed. I should have family coming up to help with the baby, not because I'll be so limited on what I can do for myself and AJ. I should be so excited at a new arrival, not scared to death about the possibility of another loss.

I'm pissed. I'm so angry. So angry. I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

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