3 Months

How has it been 3 months? I've said it before and I'll say it again...some days it feels like yesterday and others it feels like an eternity. Today it feels like an eternity. I can't believe it's been three months since I've felt my little guy. Three months since I held him. Three months since we had to say goodbye.

Angelversaries have been hard (I'm not a fan of using anniversary when talking about someone's passing -- that word just seems too "happy") Last month I was a wreck the whole day before. The anticipation of the day was too much to handle. I felt like I was the only one who remembered. Then I realized that honestly it's just another date on the calendar. I don't love or miss Ryan any less than I did the day before so why get hung up on a number on the page?

I really tried to remember that this month. I'm sure the distractions of the busy weekend and my upcoming appointment took some of the anticipation away too. I made sure I took some time and went to the cemetery. I thought about him all day (that's nothing new). I spoke to him a few times and I saw the bunny in the yard that will always remind me of him.

So now, while the house is quiet I'll take a few more minutes, look at his picture, talk to him some more and shed a few tears.

I miss you my sweet boy. I love you.