I'm a Zebra

They say when you hear "clip clop" to think horse not zebra. Apparently I'm the exception to that rule. Nothing about this whole year has been "by the book".

I've been dealing with an ovarian cyst (or so I thought) since the week after Ryan was born. I went and got checked and they did a sono. Looks like a large ovarian cyst that's ruptured and is starting to heal. Here's some Percocet for the pain. See you in a few weeks.

The pain stopped before the next appointment. I thought it was gone. WRONG. Now it looks bigger. GREAT. It wasn't bothering me so they left it alone. Follow up in a few more weeks.

I didn't make it to that appointment. I woke up in so much pain one Sunday morning it landed me in the Emergency Room. We waited 3 hours just to get seen. They took more blood, gave me some fluids and did another sono. Oh yeah, large ovarian cyst. Follow up with your doc. They'll probably have to do surgery.

I was relieved. Not to be having surgery, of course, but to finally have an end to all of this. At this point the cyst was so big that I can feel it in there. It bothers me. They tell me it's probably a little bigger than a baseball.

I went in for a laproscopy on Aug. 3rd. I woke up from anesthesia to Nick telling me it's not a cyst. What?! Then what the hell is it? They're not completely sure but it could be a fibroid. So I went and had surgery pretty much for nothing. Well not nothing -- the doc did say that this is what probably caused the preterm labor. My uterus was in so much stress between this large mass and Ryan that it couldn't take it. So we've got the answers we've been so desperatly searching and hoping for but it doesn't bring the kind of peace I thought it would....but that's another post.

I was scheduled for another MRI. Even to the MRI it looks like a cyst. That's what the report said. My doc said if she hadn't seen this thing with her own eyes she wouldn't have believed it.

So now I'm scheduled for an appointment with a specialist. We'll go over my options. I'm pretty sure all of them are going to involve surgery -- I think it just comes down to if they can save my uterus or not.

I'm tired of not being in control. I'm tired of being on this rollercoaster. I want to have a say in something. I want to have another child. I don't want that decision made for me...