Included

I've been trying to write this post in my head all day. I was trying to find a way to be thoughtful about how this is all going to sound. At this point I need to just write it and get it out -- I'm not looking for comments about it -- it's just something that I need to say and I need people to hear.

I think about Ryan every single day. He's in my first thoughts in the morning and the last thoughts at night. I know for some people he's just a "name". I imagine it's hard to miss someone you never met. Him not being physically here doesn't mean he doesn't count.

When someone asks me how many children I have I answer 2. Ryan is always included. This was something I struggled with in the beginning -- I never wanted to leave him out and I don't want any of you to leave him out either. If it comes up in conversation how many nephews, grandchildren, cousins, whatever PLEASE include Ryan. I know it's not always easy to talk about what happened -- believe me I know.

If you're not comfortable doing it all the time please try to do it in front of me. I need to know that he counts not only to me but to you too.