Wednesday, October 5, 2011

My promise

Driving in the cemtery on the way to the section where Ryan is we pass a dirt pile. Some days it small and others it's much larger. No matter what size it is I always hope that the dirt that is there is not from a new spot being used in the infant's section.

Today when I went to visit Ryan the pile was big. I'm pretty sure it was the biggest I've seen it in the last 4 months. I pulled up to the section and took a deep breath. I looked over and there was the burial platform. It was all set and waiting for a new baby. This is the second one in about 2 weeks.

Ella joined the row last week. Today there will be a new friend, and that kills me. It's always hard to see a new child there but to see that platform there, waiting brought me right back to May 24th. The weather was very similar that day as it is today. I remember pulling up to the section and seeing that platform and I didn't want to get out of the car. I didn't even want to look at it. And then seeing Ryan's tiny casket sitting on top of it...

So now here I was visiting my son with this platform just 3 spots away. I couldn't help but be sad. I knew what that family is going through and what today will be like for them. I spoke to Ryan and asked him to welcome the new friend. I prayed for all of the children in the section and I made my promise again.

After my surgery Nick took me to see Ryan. It had been about a week since I was able to go. It was so hard. I made a promise to stay on the path I'm on. I made a promise to Ryan and myself that I'm going to continue in any way that I can to help other families who are going through this. I'm going to continue to keep this promise until there are no more new friends added to the Christ Child section. I know there's no way to stop that from happening but I feel like I need to try to help when it does.


I was on the phone the other night with a friend who we hadn't spoken to in a bit. He does a "25 days of thanks" on his blog. Nick mentioned that maybe I should do the same this year. But in talking with my friend I realized there's no need to wait. In a year full of difficulty and tragedy we still do have many things to be thankful for. That's a post to come...

And to that friend -- thank you for the kind words, I always know that you truly mean what you say and I appreciate that so much.

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