Sunday, August 5, 2012

Look kids -- Parliament, Big Ben.

So here I am 5 days post surgery. I feel like I've been here before. Oh wait, I have. I guess I thought because this one wasn't a big open surgery like the last and it was outpatient that it wouldn't be so bad. It's not been terrible but it's not been fun either.

I spent some extra time in recovery afterwards feeling less than peachy. I puked my guts up and was just generally still out of it. After some anti-nausea meds and another bag of fluids I was like a new person. One thing I do have to say is that I love all of the nurses at the hospital. With the exception of one (I'm looking at you nasty IV nurse) I've never had anything less than a great experience. I especially loved the two nurses I had in recovery (told you I was there a while!). They were so sweet and took such great care of me. They asked about my MOD shirt when I was getting ready to leave. Nick and I were able to tell Ryan's story. One said she "got the chills". I hope she remembers us and our story for next year -- maybe it'll give her a push to raise even more money!

I've been trying to take it easy but after a few days I'm ready to feel 100%. I'm not a patient person so wanting to be there and my body not being there is a little difficult.

I felt like the worst mom on the planet last week. We had just gotten back from our trip downstate and I still felt like there was so much to do. We had gotten home much earlier than expected (thanks to the ridiculous heat and AJ waking up at 2:30am) so I thought I would have time to do everything. The one big thing I wanted to do was to go see Ryan. Fast forward to 6:30pm as we're sitting down eating dinner and I realize the day has gotten away and I won't get to go before my surgery. How did I forget to go see my son? Who does that?

Today was the first time I've been since before our trip. It was a tough visit and I'm not completely sure why. I guess I don't really need a reason -- seriously, isn't going to visit your son at the cemetery enough? But today I went and just cried. There was a lot of emotion, I'm sure a lot of it was guilt and some of it was just plain old missing him. It caught me off guard but it felt better to cry.

Anyway, to Ryan -- thanks for looking after me again. I know this must be getting old for you because I know it's definitely getting old for me. No more surgeries, ok?! Three in a year is enough and I'm pretty sure I've reached my limit on organs that I don't need.

I love you with all my heart, sweet boy. Forever and a day.

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