3 Years

Gram, I miss you so much but I couldn't be more thankful to have you taking care of Ryan. No one else could be spoiling him like you :) I know that you were there to welcome him and I can't begin to tell you how much that means to me.

I love you both very much.

Death and Taxes

We've been getting all of our records together to get our taxes done. What a chore. We went through all of the medical bills from this last year. I know I lived it but seeing it on paper was overwhelming. I was so surprised how much emotion it brought up in me. They were just pieces of paper but it didn't matter, I was living it all again. All of the doctors visits, the tests, the blood work, the hospital stays...all of it.

Going though all of that stuff lead to a few hard days. I was sick with a cold and ear infection to start with. I was in a funk. I'm felling better today but man, does it suck to be like that. You want nothing else than to feel better but you just can't.

Tonight we went and got the taxes done. I tried to prepare myself. I knew there were going to be questions about Ryan. I was praying that we had the accountant who knew how to input the info correctly. Nope. Here we are again having to be someone's "learning experience". She was very kind and asked all the people she needed to without bringing them all in the cube to stare at us while they tried to find the answer. In the end it was done and all was figured out. She apologized for that part taking so long.

We're getting a refund so that's a plus. It'll help us pay off some of our debt and we can get close to being back to zero. We're working hard and we're getting there.

We're doing great raising money for the March for Babies walk. We're more than 50% of the way to our goal of $1000. If you're thinking about donating please do! Even if it's only $1 it all helps! You can click the link on the right side of the page and it'll lead you right to my page. It's that simple.

I've got dinner on Friday with Ethan's mom and Hayden's mom and I can't wait! There is cheesecake in our future!

I miss you, sweet boy. I love you. Forever and a day.

Snow

I'm not a big fan of the snow. I try to be realistic though. It's January. I live in Western NY. It's going to snow at some point. It's not all bad though. Sometimes it looks pretty. But it also allows me to know that the bunny that lives in our yard has been there. I might not see him but I knows he's there. Just like Ryan.

Today is 8 months since Ryan was born. We're still going through our "firsts". This time last year I was newly pregnant and so excited. I can remember the dates of most of our appointments (good and bad ones). It seems that every week it's something. It's not a fun part of the year and the weather isn't helping. Spring can't come fast enough.

AJ's been testing being a 2 year old. He's definitely got an opinion. Most of the time he's great, but others not so much. I still count my blessings that he's so good most of the time but man those tantrums can be tough!

I'm going out to dinner with Hayden's mom and Ethan's mom on Friday. I'm looking forward to it. We always have a nice time. On Feb. 4th Ethan's mom is having a fundraiser for An Angel's Love. It should be a lot of fun and I hope it raises a ton of money!

Someone told me about an organization that distributes handmade blankets to sick children. Our local  Project Linus chapter donates blankets to 3 hospitals and some charities around the Rochester area. I contacted the woman who runs the local chapter and asked about donating some blankets in Ryan's name. I'm going to make a few of the no-sew fleece blankets like the one I made for AJ and donate them to babies at Strong's NICU. I'm going to find a way to attach something so they know who it's from and about Ryan. I so enjoyed making AJ's blanket and the blanket that the hospital gave us for Ryan is one of my most favorite things in the world. I thought that maybe one that I make could be that for someone else.



I love you sweet boy. Forever and a day.

Missing You

I don't know what it is these last few days but I'm missing Ryan like crazy. There wasn't a trigger that I can think of. Maybe I'm just at that point of the grief cycle. It seems that it comes in waves. I'm good for a while and then all of a sudden, without reason or warning that cloud comes back. It's as if my memories are more vivid...like I realize how much we lost. It's so hard to explain.

All I know is is I miss my son.

I love you sweet boy. Forever and a day.

~Mama

Lesson Learned

I should have learned my lesson the first time. About a year ago we were at Wendy's and we ordered AJ mandarin oranges instead of the french fries. He took one small bite and immediately threw up all over. We thought he gagged on it or it was because it was a new food.

Tonight we're out to dinner and on AJ's plate were two wedges of an orange. I figured if I put it in my mouth like a smile he'd do the same and maybe try something new! He was getting a kick out of the funny faces I was making an eventually tried to do it himself. As soon as he sunk his teeth into that orange he started to gag. Oh crap. He did it a few times and I thought we were in the clear. Nope. Puked all over himself, the new shoes we bought 7 hours earlier, the highchair and the carpeted floor. I'm sure the other diners loved the show.

We took him to the bathroom to clean him up. What a mess. I felt terrible for being the cause of his puking, although he didn't really seem to care one bit.

The moral of the story -- no more oranges for AJ.

Now, aren't you glad you clicked the link to read this post?   :)

Happy Birthday AJ!

I can't believe AJ is two years old today! I don't know where the time went. I do know that I am truly blessed to have one of the best kids around. He's sweet, funny, happy and so smart. He makes me smile and laugh every day. He keeps me going on the days where I want to crawl back into bed.

I love you so much AJ. I hope you always stay the loving boy you are.