18 months

I think about what you would be like at 18 months old. AJ was so funny. He was quite the character. I have no doubt that you would be the same way. Getting into things, trying to keep up with big brother and making that "how can you not love me" face.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and while I have so much to be thankful for I don't really feel like celebrating. The holidays aren't the same anymore. I'm not sure they ever will be.

The holiday season brings up a lot of emotions but lately the one that seems to be there the most is hard to explain. It's almost as if I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm not really sure how else to explain it. Like I'm waiting for something to happen. I pray to God it's just part of the anxiety that the holidays bring but it's hard to shake.

I'm missing you terribly sweet boy. Seeing how interested AJ is in babies and younger kids just breaks my heart. You're both missing out on so much. We're all missing out on so much. I'd give anything to have a few more minutes with you.

I love you so much, sweet boy. Forever and a day.