All for you

Dear Ryan,

It feels like it's been a crazy few weeks for some reason. I'm not totally sure why. Well I guess we have been kind of busy. We made a trip to LI where of course I got sick. I thought I had avoided the cold that AJ and daddy had but nope. And since we've gotten home it seems we have had things to do everyday. I feel like I'm still playing catch-up.

Tonight I did take time to have our F2F meeting though. We had a couple of new people come. I'm glad that they did. I really enjoy the group we have. We laugh and cry. It's the best medicine anyone could prescribe.

Jack's parents came and told us all about him and his birth. I knew after hearing their story that you were sending me a little message. They mentioned that they were preparing for Jack and they were given the book that I asked the social worker at Highland to order. I remember telling her "even if it helps one person" and tonight I was lucky enough to hear that it had. Thank you for that.

We also got to meet Easton's mom. I think she fits right in with our group and we're glad she came. we're all looking forward to seeing her again soon.

We tried to have a lantern release for all of you guys on Saturday. It didn't work out as planned as I'm sure you know. I can imagine you all watching and laughing at us trying to get them to light and float in that wind! Hayden's did make it and Ethan's went a little and then landed in the water. Hey, we tried, right?  :) Next time we'll stick to balloons!

I'm doing all of these things for you sweet boy. I know you've got a great group of friends with you because I've got their mommies and daddies here with me.

I miss you so, so much. And I love you even more. Forever and a day.
~Mama

Wave of Light

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. People are encouraged to light a candle for their baby (or babies) who have gone too soon. At 7pm you light a candle this way no matter what time zone you're in that wave of light will continue on.

I got home a few minutes to 7 and lit my candle. I hopped on facebook and was truly overwhelmed. Pictures of candles flooded my feed. Some were for Ryan, others for friends' babies and some for strangers. Amazing. I'm sitting here refreshing the page and seeing all of these pop up is so powerful.

The feeling of all of these little ones being remembered all at the same time from all over the world gives me chills. It also makes me sad. There are so many babies. Too many.

Remembering Ryan, Hayden, Ethan, Sarah, Lucy, Colton, Jacob, Lander, Mason, Madison, Easton and all of the other babies watching over us.


I love you sweet boy. Forever and a day.